Sunday, July 19, 2009

Just Call Him 'Chip Off The Old Party Block'?

Oh, you knew it was coming. You knew that I was gonna have to speak on this. Chip Pickering? More like Chip Dabbling... or Chip Frolicking. Maybe Chip Cheating? Remember on the last post - about Gov. Sanford - when I said that South Carolina had to do better? Then I added, and I quote, "but I'm from Mississippi and have no room to talk." I proved prophetic yet again. Enter Chip Pickering, a lobbyist and former U.S. Representative from the state of MISSISSIPPI! Guess what party he's from? You guessed it, the Grand Old Party full of "Good Old Boys" (which Michael Steele so desperately wants to be but I digress), the party of "family values," the Republicans. It is not looking too good for these guys, is it? Between hoping that President Obama (and therefore the country, duh) fails and getting caught with their pants down, it looks like no one is going to be able to actually lead the party (not to mention that Sarah Palin's microscopic, nearly invisible shred of political capital or credibility is gone due to the fact that she's quitting). Let's look at the facts in this story, shall we? The full story can be found here.
So... Chip Pickering has a wife, Leisha Pickering (at least until the divorce), and five sons. One more than the four that Gov. Sanford had and left to be with his Argentine Aphrodite. Here's a picture of Chip and his wife, probably during better times? Pickering met his freak-on-the-side in college, and some time after his marriage, had rekindled his relationship.

*Side Note* The freaks are in college. Remember the Freaknik? Seen House Party 2? Heard of the date rape drug? THE. FREAKS. ARE. IN. COLLEGE. Period.
If you have half a brain, do not go to college to find the freaks. I repeat, do not go to college to find the freaks. You'll wake up broke with no education and a strange sense of satisfaction, not to mention inexplicable stains and/or smells. Pardon the interruption, back to Chip.

Chip's freak-on-the-side goes by the name of Elizabeth Creekmore Byrd. I, for one, can't wait to see what she looks like. Once again, cheating is unjustifiable by any and all means. However, if you're going to wind up in the wrong and busted, at least get caught with someone who dazzles just a little bit. If I find a pic, don't even worry about it. It's as good as posted. Your mind could run wild imagining the types of things they may have done in college. Sneaking in sorority houses, breaking curfew, etc. Here's what makes it worse. Why do I always say that infidelity is unjustifiably wrong, no matter the circumstances? It's simple, really. Married couples take vows. Before God and man, they take vows to love one another til the end. That's a capital G-o-d. Alpha and Omega, beginning and end. He created us in the beginning and we'll see Him in the end, whether we want to or not. Back to the vows, how do they go again? For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health. Maybe they should add things like, for example: for finer or for uglier. For sexier or for more repulsive? For exciting or for mundane. Most wives can't trust their politician husbands. Why, then, do we expect to be able to trust them to serve us? We don't even know them that well, we're just the public! Not only did Chip Pickering make these vows before God, but he lived in a facility set up for Christian politicians who work for the government in Washington, D.C. Basically, this dude got his adultery on while he was staying at the We Love Jesus Hotel (no, there's no such actual place that I know of). They probably prayed every morning and read scriptures every night. They probably sang songs of worship together and blessed every meal. Read Bible verses just like they read legislation. But in the meantime and in between time, they got their God-fearing freak on. It gets better. Pickering retired and now works as a lobbyist for a firm that represents Cellular South, which Elizabeth Creekmore Byrd's family owns. Hopefully the child support people are jotting this down. Those five sons WILL BE FED! Good hearty meals, too. Pickering released a statement asking for privacy. Why don't they think about privacy until they become public figures and screw things up horribly? Tsk, tsk. Leisha Pickering, Chip's wife (what kind of Chip, you ask? I'm thinking Lay's) said that Pickering was offered a Senate seat by Gov. Hell, er... that is, Haley Barbour, when Trent Lott resigned without warning and with much controversy in 2007 (I could go into that a lot deeper, but I'll leave it for you to Google Search). Pickering refused. Now if you look at the Senate vs. the House of Representatives - Senate has longer terms, less people so it's more prestigious, easier to make connections, better committees and councils to sit on, etc. Also, it's a step closer to the Presidency - you know that any Rep would love to become a Senator if possible. It's like a bill waiting to become a law.

But Pickering refused. Why would he do such a thing? His soon-to-be ex-wife says that his mistress told him that he would not be able to be with her and continue his life in public service because it would be better for his image and campaigns for him to be married. Thus, alleges Leisha Pickering, Elizabeth Creekmore Byrd hit him with the ultimatum: choose a job in the private sector or I'm leaving. No senate seat for Pickering. Gov. er... Haley Barbour says that he only offered the job to Roger Wicker. This could very well be true. It could also be false, due to the fact that there is a sort of conflict of interest here. Barbour's nephew is a partner at the firm at which Pickering works. Can you see why he wouldn't want Pickering's name dragged through the mud any further? Might be bad for business at his nephew's firm. None of us really wants our extended-family relatives living with us if we can help it. Just a thought.
Back to the refusal of the senate seat. I can just see how that conversation probably went.

"Baby, if you take that Senate seat, we're done. You know what that means..."

"No more playing Clinton and Lewinsky in my office during lunch break?"

"Thaaaat's right!"

"I'll call the Governor right this minute!"

Things were so bad with his wife (shot in the dark here) that he refused to quit his affair, even though he had to forfeit a Senate seat, the ultimate promotion for someone like him. Ol' girl must have been drinking his bathwater, as the saying goes. She has him wrapped around the wedding ring finger. Wow. She did something so well that he was too turned on to turn her down. How does the song go? "That girl is poisoonnn!" It never ceases to amaze me how men tend to let temptresses and seductresses keep them from advancing. Shake my head. Played by the pelvis. Again. We've got to control ourselves.
I'm a left-leaning moderate, but parties don't even matter to me anymore when it comes to this. Once, just once, can't some guy in a powerful position or political office be strong enough to resist these Desperate Homewreckers? Democrats, Republicans, Independents? Green Party? Reform? Libertarians? Anarchists? There's gotta be somebody. One thing is for certain. Infidelity is a bipartisan practice. Freaky women reach across the aisle in more ways than one, and the lusts thereof seem to be the only things that diametrically-opposed politicians can agree upon.

The moral of the story is....
Sex is a powerful thing! Beyond pregnancies and STDs, it has social and psychological effects that people don't talk about. The R&B singers never mention these effects in their songs. The rappers never rap about these effects as they make it rain on oiled-up video girls. Most movies tend not to depict it, either. But sex is powerful and unauthorized sex (i.e. outside of marriage) can lead to all types of horrible things. You end up getting played because you are emotionally bound and under the control of your partner. You may put up with neglect, abuse, infidelity, etc. because of the way your partner makes you feel on passionate nights. Before you know it, you're in over your head and you're throwing your life away. Sanford's four sons who were fatherless on Father's Day? They'll never be the same. Pickering's five won't either. Steve McNair, need I say more? Families are broken up, relationships damaged, lovers killed or injured. Senate seats are forfeited, jobs and credibility are lost along with respect. Control yourselves. Men and women, control yourselves. Hold on to purity, before you find yourself DOA (either literally or figuratively), the victim of a libido lynching.