Sunday, August 9, 2009

From "Driving Miss Daisy" to Dating Granny's Baby?

Say it ain't so. Lord Jesus, please, say it ain't so. I might as well stop wishing because all indicators seem to indicate that it is. Why do the things I write in this blog keep coming back to haunt me? I wrote about Gov. Sanford from South Carolina, while mentioning that Mississippi has it's own problems and that I should not go too hard on SC. Next thing I knew, former Mississippi politician Chip Pickering was exposed by his wife in her divorce filings because he was having a similar affair. After that, in the post about LeBron, I wrote that no one famous (even of the celebrities that are from Mississippi), ever comes to Mississippi except world-renown actor and native son, Morgan Freeman. Now Morgan Freeman has a scandal of his own, and one of epic proportions. Morgan Freeman - the man who played Joe Clark in "Lean On Me," who played Red in "The Shawshank Redemption," who played Lucius Fox in the Batman films, who played GOD himself in "Bruce Almighty" and its sequel, "Evan Almighty" - is dating his step-granddaughter, one E'Dena Hines, and seems to be planning to marry her once his divorce is finalized. No, you're not crazy. Neither am I. Do not adjust your computer screen. Instead, check out the full story here.
**Update: It has been reported that he doesn't plan to marry her. Note, however, that the affair was not denied when you check out that full story here.**
It's a mother effing shame, too. Here this dude is, the most visible Mississippian (who actually lives in Mississippi) and what does he do? Does he help us out of the stereotypes that have plagued this state (some of them rightfully so, but I digress)? No. He reinforces them. Of course, the state of Mississippi is in what is referred to as the "Deep South." One of the things that people think we do around here is get our incest-ridden relations on. I have never kissed a cousin and never even had sinful thoughts about a family member, thank you very much. However, the stigma remains. Now there's evidence to support the misconception. Now they can cite Mississippi's own version of Samuel L. Jackson as a culprit. It gets worse, however. This chick is his step-granddaughter, but she was raised as his actual granddaughter, meaning she likely thought of him just like she would a biological grandfather and probably even called him "Granddad." They may not be getting married, but it still seems that he went from "Grand Pop" to "Don't Stop." Is it really okay to practice PDA with family or with those that we consider family? No, there's no actual bloodline. I know. However, if you ask me (and by reading this blog, you're asking me), it's all freaky and nasty - no matter how one chooses to slice it.

*Side note -Speaking of family members or those who consider each other family practicing PDA, isn't it funny that Lil' Wayne wishes that he could F every girl in the world, yet he only wishes that he could KISS Baby aka Birdman? Just a thought.*

Anyway, it gets worse, yet. Freeman is 72. Hines is 27. Once again, do not adjust your computer screen. It just so happens that if you should put his age in reverse, you come up with her age. That's a completely new twist on the phrase, "opposites attract." That's not all, friends. It's gets worse, still. He's been sleeping with the girl since she was 17. He was 62 then. Come on, Mr. Clark! You're supposed to educate the kids, not deflower and satisfy them. She must've 'leaned on him' a little too hard. All this from a man who played the detective who saved the kidnapped women in "Kiss The Girls?" Too bad he was kissing the girls himself. As for Ms. Hines, is it really that hard to find a man in Mississippi? Of course not, I'm single. I know the population of whatever town she's from had younger and more appealing men than Morgan Freeman to offer a 17 year old. This is like a low-budget sequel to "The Color Purple" or something. And until Morgan Freeman does right, everything he thinks about is gonna crumble.
I'd just like to say that I blame Hugh Hefner, Viagra, and Woody Allen (hey, maybe Morgan and his step-granddaughter can get with Woody and his wife/stepdaughter and double date?) for this as well. Is there really any love in this relationship? Does he look at her and see anything more than, dare I say, a "new model?" Just a younger, slimmer, finer young thing for him to fulfill his fantasies with? Seriously, the guy did star in the film, "The Bucket List." How do we know that a twenty-something wasn't on his? Does she look at him and see anything more than the Hollywood lifestyle, red carpets, riches, stability, security? The fact of the matter is that it isn't my business. But why so young and so close to home? When you look at Cindy Crawford still doing her thang at 43, you know that younger doesn't always necessarily mean better. Plus, she's your step-granddaughter. Seriously, I know there's no blood connection - but she's family. Family-on-family love is good. Family-on-family sex, however, is a no-no. Period. Plus, when his age is factored into the equation, it makes one think that if he keeps getting his freak on with baby girl, she'll be the death of him - literally. I can hear the interviews now. Just like another scene from "The Color Purple."

"How'd he die?"
"On top of me."
What a tragedy it will be if the great, accomplished, and storied life of Morgan Freeman is muddled in the press and in our memories by his freaky family frolicking. He'll be following in the footsteps of people like Michael Jackson, James Brown, Frankie Lymon, and other black celebrities by having his estate, family, and memory enshrouded in controversy (shout out to Bernie Mac for being a family man who went out far too soon, but nevertheless did so with dignity). Sounds like a libido lynching waiting to happen.